I’m currently in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend whom i’ve been on and off with for about a year now, and who i’ve dated for 4 years total. We have been together since we were 17 yo and we are 21 now.

We broke up because I think I was just was not in love with him anymore, the things that I didn’t like about him overruled the things I did like about him. Well I did explore around a little bit while single, saw two guys who were just awful, and then the last guy I actually liked but there was drama.

It was fun. Emotionally, and romantically though I missed my best friend. He really is an amazing guy, just such a loyal kind hearted gentleman. Thats why I got back together with him. I do love him.

But i’ve never had an intense sexual connection with him. I don’t get really excited. Actually, sometimes it gives me a physical ick to think about him in certain sexual ways. And it’s honestly been like this since 17. I’ve always lusted other people. And I know that’s probably fucked up but it’s just the truth.

Now, I would never cheat on him. But I can’t help to fantasize now and then about other people. I would marry this man, and I think I can choose to look past the sex, and other traits I don’t like just because I love him so deeply.

Could this last and work out in the long run? can someone tell me why I feel the way I do 😅 I feel like i’m an awful person.