Sorry to those who find the topic of secrecy upsetting. I just want to share my personal truth.

My partner is an amazing person and we have genuinely good chemistry. However, I can’t explore my true submissive side with her. I can’t tell her I watch p*rn because it would make her feel self-conscious. If she even saw me stroking myself alone I’d be in trouble with her; mainly because of her past trama. As far as she knows, I only cum when I’m inside her with a tight-ass condom on which really makes climax unsatisfying for me but, I do it anyway for her because I do care about her pleasure.

For a while I’ve kept my desires to myself; all bottled up. She’s made it clear she’s the sub in our relationship and I can respect that. It’s not easy to pretend my submissive tendencies aren’t real and I act out when she’s away. I’m not proud about it but, I know I’m protecting her from something she’ll never understand. I’ll never want her to see me in a different way. Revealing this kink to her would definitely change our relationship for worse. Call me selfish but, I know her too well and I don’t want to hurt her. Thank you for reading.