About two weeks ago, I left my mommy because she was not being honest with me. She was my first mommy and my first real relationship. I was terribly sheltered and overprotected as a kid up to my 30s. I’ve been through hell and all I wanted was to feel loved. Most of my life, I’ve been ignored, ghosted, patronized, made to feel like everything was my fault. I was so sheltered, I never went to social events, I was totally clueless, and I am so unprepared to function in today’s society.

I’ve been held hostage by my parents over reliance on me for everything. I’ve been abused by my older brother, neglected by my parents, and isolated from just about everything. My parents protected, constantly making me feel like I’m not capable of doing anything that didn’t meet their idea of what I should be doing. Then, they praise me to no end, and make me feel like I’m obligated to to care for them for the rest of their lives. Despite my health issues, and the stress my parents reliance has on my health, I still feel used and abused. They were to busy protecting me they didn’t take the time to get me treated for ADHD. They never took the time to get me treated for low testosterone. My father insisted on treating me like a child through my 20s and 30s. I’ve been through hell.

When I found my mommy, it was the first time I felt love from someone else. I remember when I suckle on her breasts for the first time. She kissed my head and the feeling of being cared for was indescribable. She helped me so much, but to be lied to and ghosted multiple times hurt so much. There were many times I tried so hard to be respectful of her. Then, when I needed her the most, she abandons me. I just wanted to be loved and cared for. Apparently, that was too much to ask for. This is so much harder than I thought it would be.

I hope there are better mommies out there. Please tell me there are.