some background: i'm a 28 year old trans girl, been living as a woman for 9 years now, taking hormones for 5 years, and i pass pretty much 100% of the time! i have a skin condition and sometimes i get random bursts of allergies, and a few weeks ago i got a bad case of those in my penis. i spent all this time not being able to touch it and with it looking so ugly... but now, after some treatment, it's finally healed, and i've just been so happy that i finally have it back. i keep looking at him, thinking about how good he looks now, how i can show him off again proudly, and, of course, touch him and enjoy him again. i remember a few years ago when i used to say that if i ever had any disease down there i wouldn't even mind it, i could just use it as an excuse to chop it off and finally get a pussy. but nowadays i couldn't ever think of having bottom surgery. i'm even considering starting to use T gel on it - cause i got pains during erections and i can't even use it for penetration, so hopefully a little topical T will get him happy up and running again.

i'm curious as to how i sort of went down this path. i remember the day i decided to fantasize about being misgendered. it felt very scary, and very dark to me. i've had done a lot of work to see my sexuality as feminine: soft, passive, fluid, not genital focused. i've even started dating men, which helped to see myself sexually as a girl, even though i had always been pretty much attracted to women. this attraction to women is very tightly connected to my misgendering fantasizes. i think i associate my penis to 'boyhood' and to 'intense attraction to women' going all the way into on submission and servitude. i think in a lot of ways i see women as smarter and more powerful than men, so in a way transitioning has been a way of me to feel powerful, and beautiful. but when it comes to my little cock, i become a horny little boy, craving pussy and love, eager to do anything his muse asks him to. it's very enticing to be reduced to your genitals, which is the thing in 'real life' that i've spent my life running away from. this duality is one of the things i really like about this kink - i think it's very powerful and honest to refuse to be put in the box of your assigned gender and actually transition, and then, at the same time, to connect with your intimate sexual desire to be reduced to your assigned gender in some way. love seeing ftm people both be real men in life and to allow themselves to be slutty girls in kink~

i think in every kink there's always a faction that takes it to its extreme limit - so i guess there's always gonna be people actually detransitioning. in some ways some of this has bled into my normal life. i'm wearing more androgynous/boyish shirts and pants day to day, i've come out as a 'lesbian' to people (being honest about only being sexually attracted to women), i don't really claim to be a 'woman' (even though i don't really have to in any situation since i'm pretty much just seen as a girl, but if i have to say anything i'll say i'm a fem person), i'm going back to a career and hobbies that i worried about being boyish (math and videogames), and i don't really worry much about some things that used to give me dysphoria (like wearing pants that show a little bit of a bulge, or obsessing about my face looking trans, or situations where people find out i'm trans like dealing with documents and such). but i wouldn't ever wanna stop taking hormones, or go back to my dead name (which i see as my slave name, bothers me a lot) or stop wearing some of my more feminine outfits or be referred to as he/him in any situation that is not kinky. i do play around with the idea of slightly altering my name to something more androgynous, or having a new femboy name to use in kink situations...

i think in a lot of ways my sexuality is still pretty feminine, but i'm letting the horny little boy in me have his time in the sun too. it's nice to be free.

anyways, i derailed, this post was about how happy i was to have my penis back. i'm pretty happy! if anyone wants to dm me to talk more deeply about kink, misgendering and being trans, hit me up (or if you want to just call me a good boy, send me femboy/mommy porn or ask for dick pics, hit me up too~)