46M, married about 20 years, dependable spouse, caring parent to kids, maintain a good career, coach sports, mentor, volunteer, etc.

I recently realized my happiness has steadily decreased over time. I wrote a list of every activity I’ve ever done that brought me joy, then ranked them and focused on the top 10%. Then did the math as to how long it’s been:

• 29 years
• 24 years
• 23 years
• 23 years
• 22 years
• 17 years
• 8 years
• 2 years
• 6 months

Then I realized it’s been about 18 years since I did anything with or had a friend. (Not counting family members, neighbors, or coworkers because, in some ways, you cannot fully & truly “be yourself” around those groups.)

And then it dawned on me that almost everything I do now is primarily to benefit someone else, usually my family. While doing good things for family isn’t bad, I couldn’t think of a single “fun” thing I do solely for myself.

So I decided to start making time to do the things that make me happiest, trying to minimize impact to others.

After everyone is asleep & all work tasks done, I grab my guitar and take a short drive to a quiet spot where my playing won’t disturb anyone. Feels great.

Another day, I wake up an hour before anyone & go for a run. Feels great.

I’m feeling happier. I have more energy & zest, which - in turn - i feel is making me a more engaged & positive husband & father. I think it’s going great.

Then, today, my wife asks “what’s wrong” with me. She says I’ve been acting “weird” lately & not “present” as much. With a mixture of concern & suspicion on her face, she says she wants to know “what’s wrong?”

SMH