I will be 45 in a few months and feel so lost and an overwhelming sense of regret that I don’t know what to do with. When I look at my life from the outside I am blessed 2 amazing kids one turns 14 tomorrow the other is 10, been married for almost 19 years and have a job that pays relatively well and at least has kept food on the table. I just feel like I should be so much more all the things we were going to do as a family all the places I wanted to go, the dream of owning our own house, none of it has ever happened due to money, or work, or for a while Covid. My kids are getting older and I spent so much of their younger years working that I feel like I missed so much and didn’t appreciate being dad enough. I get so angry because I remember work events better than their childhood. I felt like I was doing something important I guess and was so focused on ensuring I kept a roof over our head that I just missed it. The kicker is now after 18 years the organization I work for decided that what I worked my way up to build wasn’t worth them doing any longer and now am having to transition to another employer. My wife tells me I am crazy for feeling this way but I just get so lost in this regret that it pulls me into this dark place. At the same time watching my parents get older and their health deteriorate and now dealing with chronic pain of my own I just feel helpless. I feel like I have failed on so many levels of what should have been my most important roles being a son, a husband, and most importantly a father. I never was the dream guy and so much of the time I feel like my wife is pulling away from me and wishes she could be with someone else. I can’t even say I blame her, between my anxiety, Ed issues, and pain issues it’s more than someone should have to deal with. I have tried talking to a professional about it but the only advice was to appreciate the now but that doesn’t help. Anyway I am sure I sound crazy but found this board and thought it was a place where I could somewhat anonymously put in writing all the things going on in my head.