Was just responding to one of us and realized that until I worked in a community mental health center, I wouldn’t have known the kind of services and help that is available to anyone who does genuinely want or need to stop using. I’m just going to copy and paste my response to someone else in our community. If anyone needs more specific details or has any questions, feel free to reach out. I’m not here to preach, I’m not here to judge, I mean JFC I’m still using and was using when I helped coordinate assistance and treatment for those without insurance or help. Ultimately I ended up needing and using the very services I once coordinated for others. Good luck out there.

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This is going to sound like I know the answer and of course I don’t because there is never one answer for everyone, but every state has some sort treatment center that will treat you without insurance and without cost. I worked (while using) at a community mental health facility in a very poor Southern state for a few years. Part of my job was helping to coordinate different aspects of assistance for anyone who came in or called us for assistance. Not only has your state already allocated budget and grants to cover the cost of treatment for you, but the Federal government provides even more grants to your state for additional assistance on top of the treatment.

Google your county department of health, within their department there will be mental health services. There will be a phone number to an assistance coordinator and they will ask you questions to help allocate services to you. You’d be surprised what help can be offered outside of just treatment. We were able to provide housing (usually an apartment) for several months, clothing, food, medicine, job support, job training, at-home nursing. I worked in a state that had one of the lowest allocation of resources and we were still able to provide services like that for free. There weren’t drug tests or requirements attached, besides checking in with your care/case manager once a month and even then it was just a phone call to see if you needed any additional help or services.

I ended up needing our services myself and while the treatment center wasn’t a 5-star accommodation, it was safe, clean, and staffed with truly dedicated support staff. It sounds like you’re at the end of your rope and if so, choose the help. It’s very hard to step away from all of your responsibilities but you mentioned children and a husband. They would want you to live and to come through this so I would imagine they would put in extra effort to help take care of a lot of your responsibilities at home.

Not to get too addiction science on you, but you’re in active addiction and have been so for a very long time. Your midbrain is in control and will create many reasons why you can’t go. That’s not invalidating the very real and necessary responsibilities you have, if anything it makes your midbrain’s job even easier because you DO have very real responsibilities and limitations right now, but unless your family is made up entirely of sociopaths, they will help you so that you can survive and then thrive.

I can’t speak to your behaviors but…I would venture the family knows something is going on with you and has been for all this time. They may not jump to “she’s using drugs” but when you ask them to help you so you can get help, they’ll finally tell you that they knew something was wrong. Again, I don’t know you so I’m not saying 100% they know, but as well as you know everything about your children and the way they normally behave, do things, they too know you.

This is not me preaching. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but this post is screaming for help and there is help available. Reach out and I can do my best to look into your state and the services offered and get you information. Good luck fellow traveler.