I’ve recently been through my first marriage and divorce and him being the second relationship since coming to terms with myself identifying as a trans woman. I met him at a low point in my life, was drinking heavily and just started using again because of the previous serious relationship i came out of couple months prior. He helped me stay sober constantly reminded me i don’t need it, i’m better than that, but was also very abusive in every aspect of the word, months go by he gets picked up for really old warrant and hours after he was ripped away from me i returned to using. i used most of the time he was in jail selling or trading his belongings for shit because i left him once prior but he convinced me to come back, didn’t mind i was coming down at the time, he took care of me the whole time, then held me while i cried smd reassured me the voices weren’t real. he understood because its the reason he went to prison and became a RSO for something he did while high. anyway after we got married is when he started hitting me and heavy drank to stand being around him but too afraid to be alone. every time i tried to leave him he would block me in the room and beat me up for trying to leave one time he raped me afterwards, i’ve been strangled, came at with a crowbar, almost stabbed in the eye with scissors, had my chest stomped on, jaw popped outta place, and have attempted suicide in front of him from feeling so trapped. when i finally got away from him after my 8th attempt he ripped out a chunk of my hair and the shirt i was wearing, i’ve been high almost everyday since because i don’t know how to deal or process with this, shit had been the only way to forget and stay numb but now it’s making me think about him all the time, I feel like i’m turning into him, i’m the monster he made me.