Daily meth user for for over three years. Ruined my life a few times over. Lost everything a few times over. Still nothing could separate me from the shit not even having a kid. It didn’t matter how many times I threw the shit away. How many times I broke the glass and swore no more in a day or two I’d be back on my way to my dealer. Look up tweaker in the dictionary and you’d see my face. All I did was sit in my room all day and smoke meth. I wouldn’t even go to the grocery store because I didn’t want to be away from my pipe for that long. Went to my first rehab , that didn’t do shit, thought hey I’ll try again… go to my second rehab ( really thought I was healed this time 🤣) NOPE spent another year back out there doing the same shit. Sometimes I liked it, sometimes I hated it. It was a love and hate relationship for sure. A toxic one like a bad boyfriend you just can’t stay away from. Anyways I could never stay clean to save my life. I was ready to give up and just take my own self out. It gets to a point where it’s just not fun anymore. You’ve used so much that you can barely even get high anymore. I really didn’t give two shits about myself anymore but I felt some sympathy for the child I brought into this world and felt I should atleast try to be a decent human being. Something in me said to try just one more time. So I went to rehab FOR the 3RD FUCKING TIME. 😭 First week there I tried to run out that bitch and they locked me in and would not open the gate. I had never had cravings that bad in my life. I remember just laying in the bed and rocking myself back and forth just crawling out of my skin feeling like I was gonna die if I didn’t get out of there right that second and go get high. I’m glad they locked me in though and didn’t let me leave because something finally clicked this time around and I felt like maybe I had a chance. ( although I wasn’t fully convinced because I know how evil this shit is and how my ass always goes back ) anyways after I finished rehab I went to a all women’s sober living home. Strict fucking house where we did chores all day and read out of the AA NA book they forced us to go to like 5 meetings a week. It was miserable I stayed there like 3 months and then graduated that program. I’ve been out on my own now for about two months, I got my own place and I’m getting to have visitation with my kid on the weekends. I wish I could tell you there is a happily ever after to this story. I wish I could say life is so much better or that I was miraculously healed but everyday is a struggle. My depression is so bad I’d give anything to make it go away. My cravings come and go but are mostly everyday. I have to literally stop myself multiple times a week from going and trying to get drugs or alcohol. Sometimes all I can do is try and make it through the day and it’s fucking painful but I’m gonna keep going because I’ve made it this far and because mostly I was tired of being a slave to a damn pipe. If perhaps you are tired too, there is hope and we do recover. Anyways hope this post wasn’t to corny. 🤓😭😬