Aha well fuck… I only quit because I got caught at work, was lucky I didn’t get turned in and face charges/jail, and decided to do treatment and drug tests to keep the job and avoid the criminal trajectory I was on. I went on three day benders after staying sober from 5 days to two weeks around 5-10 times until I finally quit. I was off it for 6 1/2 months.

Said fuck it New Year’s Eve. Smoked several bowls that night and bought a gram. The problem is my current bf is the first person I ever smoked this shit with 5 years ago. He always had my best interests in mind and would warn me when I was getting out of control and even cut me off. He feels guilty for introducing me. When my job was in jeopardy, he was still using but never did it around me to ensure I wasn’t tempted. Didn’t allow using friends over either. I respect such behavior as it’s rare in the tweaker world.

He only ever went off it to satisfy probation (something I’ve never been on, so I feel like such a pussy for quitting now, I don’t even have a real reason to quit I’m not forced to aha) and was right back on it with no breaks after satisfying it. Over ten years, no breaks. He finally got off it in November. I want to support him and not bring him down with me.

He convinced me to return the drugs and I last used (ROA was insufflation) on January 1st at 8:20 am. I’ve almost used twice and he talked me out of it each time. Tonight he tried to convert a broken pipe into a dab straw and I could smell the reclaim. I stole it and I’m tempted to try to blow it into a bowl, take hits off the stem, and then treat the bowl to actual crystal.

I got fired Friday (not for drugs) and I’m still poor and in debt so I’m no longer benefitting from sobriety. Yes, I’m a selfish asshole willing to either sacrifice someone who truly cares or sabotage their own efforts, depending on how shit plays out. Yes, I’m also aware I’m seeking justification from strangers to justify my deepest and darkest desires and deviancy.

If anyone knows how to blow a stem with a broken bowl into a new pipe and has tips pm me haha