I’m sure many of you have been hearing rumours lately — about me, about the future of this drug use, and that’s what I’d like to talk to you about today. Two years ago when I started twirling the bubble, I knew the day would eventually come when I’d be moving on. It’s truly with a heavy heart that I tell you that day is here.

​Thank you for that and for your years of advice and shits and giggles. The point is though, is this place is gonna be better than ever! And the fact that I’m gone won’t stop me from giving advice, not that you need any…

Before I go, there’s something I want to remind you all, and that’s this – methamphetamine is bigger than any one person, even me. Especially me. You guys are meth, each and every one of you, and that is why it’s sure to remain the best drug in the fucking world!

See, the very idea of methamhetamine is that when you come here and step into this bullpen for the first time, you start your life anew. You have a place here and no one can take that away from you! Methamphetamine is America! Give me your tired and poor!

The very moment you heat up that bowl and pledge your loyalty to this drug, you become part of a family, you become a Methamphetaminite! It doesn’t matter who you are, it doesn’t matter where you’re from! Whether your family came over on the Mayflower or on a fucking inner tube from Haiti!

​Everybody here knows Kimmie the ice queen, right?

​In case any of you weren’t aware of it, Kimmie was one of methamphetamines first users, one of the original twenty. Now when most of you met Kimmie, you met her the way she is today – a beautiful woman who drives a big RV meth lab. A woman who lives in the dankest trap house on Long Island. A woman who wears four different halloween princess costumes at once, who spends her winters in the trap house and her summers in the trap house!​

But that’s not the Kimmie I met. The Kimmie I met was boring. A mom in the 9-5 rat race. On top of her rent with an eight-year-old son. She came to me for a hit. And what did I do, Kimmie?

Kimmie

You hooked me up with a fee point.

Because I believed in you. Like I believe in each and every one of you!

You know for years I’ve been telling you guys not to take no for an answer, to keep pushing, to not hang up the pipe ‘til you get what you want. This deal I’m about to sign, barring me from the ice life, barring me from methamhetamine, my home… What the f*** is that? I’ll tell you what it is, it’s me being a hypocrite. It’s me taking no for an answer. It’s them selling me, not the other way around!

[dramatic pause]

You know what? I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving… I’m not fucking leaving!

THE SHOW GOES ON!