I sent myself to rehab because I weighed 140 at 6 foot tall. I was losing my mind and destroying my life because I’m mentally ill. I’m sitting here in rehab two months in depressed because I know this has to be the end. All I want to do is relapse. I just want something to take away this excruciating pain away. I’m trying to do the right thing without a reward for once. I know this isn’t a post most people don’t want to see on here but I have nowhere else to rant about my addiction. I’m grieving my old life and my old self and I can’t admit I’m dying inside because of it. I can’t admit I’m probably going to relapse eventually because I’ll forget the pain. In a perfect world I never picked up this drug. But the truth is i miss getting high so god damn much. I miss the rage of it all. Meth wasn’t my downfall my mental health and inability to manage my drug use was. This is on me and I hope I remember that going forward.