first did meth a longgg time ago wasn’t fun and that’s been my meth story don’t do it you’ll stay up for 3days texting paragraphs to people you haven’t seen in years started dating him and hated the smell of it look and vibe but I caved in and it started with a shotgun then me actually doing it with him and literal months have gone by I have done nothing but get spun and cum and argue and cry. He was sober when I was on coke and made me quit throw my coke in the sink hid it and I feel like I just emboldened him with his meth use now our meth use cause I’m daddy’s meth whore idk I just have moments of clarity where I know what I’m doing is so damaging but then the shit hits so good and your the perfect girl in the world for him I don’t really know why I do it anymore it doesn’t really feel good I’ve always been a downer type of girl idk if the 3 month coke binge my “Brat summer” kinda primed me for this or did he. It starts with braking his shit up the holding/filling the pipe then a little smoke to the face here and there now this, running around doing nothing. I like to be a productive Tweaker and he wants me to jerk him off till 5am while he watches porn and I stare at the crystal in the carpet. Sometimes I feel like I made him relapse cause I wanted to do coke with my man I’m sorry but my friends are so worried and I haven’t seen my cat in ages every time we try to go to my house it ends up becoming the next day and we’re doing nothing actually nothing I just miss going to the library anywhere that is outside or playing video games all night I miss him not thinking every accident was on purpose like I’m some villain stealing his shit while I sleep next to him he has my passwords my iCloud my everything, And I still feel like he doesn’t really trust/ love me he just loves meth I just don’t want him to off himself we both self harm in many different ways and one of his is sex and drugs but treating to hurt yourself because I don’t wanna watch INTENSE porn with you all day sucks. I love him so much and I’ve been a junkie since 16 the drugs I do are on my own accord but a pipe to face when I’ve been up 4 days and just wanna pop a Seroquel and go tf to sleep feels like a “if I go down you go down too” type of situation. Like very controlling and toxic omg the gaslighting sometimes idk if he was tweaking or just lies to my face like a psycho I could go on for days but I just want to know what to do. Just leave and say I’m going home cause we can’t talk no matter what it’s about I always end up saying sorry and bring in the wrong even if it’s my feelings that are 100% valid no matter how crazy. I just don’t know what to dooooo😩