...a minute. My wife knows I indulge, but she doesn't like it and insists I tell her when I do. Those "conversations" usually just turn into fights, so sometimes it's just easier not to say anything. Tonight was one of those "keep it on the down-low" kind of nights. She was in bed, and I only wanted a gram. No problem, right?

Well, buddy eventually came through (thank god), but it was two hours after he said he’d be by. When he finally texted, "Almost there, meet in 10," I thought, Mint! No problem. I was on the porch having a smoke, so I ran inside to grab the cash. BOOM. There’s my beautiful—though horribly timed—wife, standing right there, putting on her coat.

"I was just coming out to sit with you," she says.

God knows I love her, but her timing is the absolute worst. I quickly say, "I’m just waiting for my laundry to finish (work clothes for the morning.) You should head back to bed."

"But I got up because I’m hungry."

"Okay, hun, no problem. I’ll make you something and bring it up. What would you like?"

"No, I’ll do it. Just gonna make myself some toast."

Ding. Txt message: 3min.

FUCK.

Alright, think fast, Marshall. "Okay, honey, you make your toast. I’m just gonna have a quick smoke and head to bed."

Now, how the hell am I going to meet buddy, around the corner, without her asking where I’m going?

I step outside, let the screen door shut, then immediately turn back and say, "I think I just heard an accident down the street. I’m gonna go check. Be right back."

Before she can process, I’m gone—down the street, around the corner, ducking behind a parked cube van, ears straining for footsteps. Silence. Sweet, sweet silence. Just as buddy pulls up, I make the handoff.

"Thanks, man. Gotta run, talk later."

I briskly walk back home, happier than I've been all night, I finally got it. And there she is.. Sitting on the porch, in all of her beautiful glory, almost as though a halo floating above her head, waiting.

Before she can even get a word out, I say, "Someone rear-ended someone else. Everyone’s fine. Let's go inside, get out of this cold."

I honestly love her with all my heart, she is amazing, but when it comes to bad timing, she’d take Gold 🥇 every damn year.

TL;DR - Wife has horrible timing while I'm trying to pick up.