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THIS STORY IS ABOUT 30-40 MIN READ
This is going to be a long one, so stick around if you'd like. If not, that's fine, I completely understand. My name is Scrim, or as I jokingly call myself the Crashout King. Why the CrashOut King you might ask? Well because my whole life I've seemed to sabotage myself, fuck myself over and well...Crashout. A little background for you, I am currently 26 years old. I have been addicted to crystal methamphetamine for 14 months now (215 days of daily as of this morning, give or take a few days that I was locked up). I have struggled with SA problems my entire life. I started drinking and smoking cigarettes when I was 12. Picked up weed at 16 and since I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and no one knew I was drinking and smoking in high school I was able to land a prescription for Adderall at 17. I like stimulants a little too much though. See I always wanted to get my hands on a drug that would allow me to stay up and party for days. Adderall was my go to (double dosing and mixing with other stims such as X or coke) all the way from high school until about 2019 when Addy wouldn't cut it for me and I switched to just doing coke and Ecstasy ALL THE TIME. Than it became just coke but once outside reopened and my rampant coke abuse caused me to start having horrible borderline crippling anxiety. This was around late 2022 I started hating coke and only doing it at home. See I didn't know what meth did (I had heard about it in shows like Breaking Bad and just thought it was like coke) but I never thought I'd be able to get my hands on it (I live in the largest city in the country and thought meth was a hillbilly thing) so I continued abusing coke until August of last year when something amazing happened.
Ahh yes the migrant crisis. When over the course of a year hundred thousand South American migrants came to my city. They bought with them their culture. And I was over the moon when I heard part of their culture included crystal meth. I was a supervisor at a Holiday Inn Express in the financial district at the time and one of our housemen was from Venezuela and I was not one to be greedy and not share my coke with coworkers. So one day after doing a couple lines in the back office with him he informed me that he could get me something better than coke. Methamphetamine. Just hearing him say it in his heavy Spanish accent made my heart jump with joy. I supposed if I had really looked it was always in my city but I wasn't the type back than to go to find it. It wasn't like cocaine which every guy and their dog had. This was the first time someone offered. Shit I almost nutted in my pants when he told me the price for 5 grams would only be 125$. $125 for 5 grams?? So seeing as how i was using DailyPay everyday to cover the $100 I would spend just to get my gram of coke to get through the day and the promise of one bump lasting 5-6 hours, I gave up coke for two days and on my day off there I was driving up to a really shitty part of the city to get meth for the first time. $125 in hand more nervous than a whore in church but more excited than when I lost my virginity. After what felt like a lifetime I arrived at the McDonalds he said to meet him at. Texting through telegram I was there and five minutes later he pulled up on an ebike handed me an envelope I gave him the money and he gave me a grin and next thing I know I'm in the parking lot. Staring at this clear glass substance. Luckily he warned me to not snort as is so I made sure to take my time breaking down the shards on a rolling tray until it was undisguisable from cocaine . I lined it up rolled a dollar up and snorted my first line of meth ever.
HOLY SHIT BRO IT FUCKING BURNED LIKE HELL. I remember the intense pain and feeling of little shards cutting my nostril inside so much I drove straight to a Walgreens and bought a saline spray. It didn't hit as fast as coke and I was thinking I got ripped off for some bunk but as I was leaving Walgreens it hit me (about 8 minutes after dosing). That one small line I did which is half the size of what one of my coaine lines would've been had me floating. I don't wanna go into too many details on my first time (so no newbies get encouraged to do it, but if you've done meth before you know how that first time was). I drove home like how Batman drives through Gotham. I felt like noting and I MEAN NOTHING could stop me. I copped on a Wednesday morning and my lord I went home and got stuck on Reddit (this subreddit ironically) and time went by so fast I was shocked when I looked at the time on my computer and it was already 2am Thursday. The first 5 grams lasted me about 2 weeks which I used only at home. I saved money not buying $100 of coke everyday anymore and my gf(ex now) said the sex during that time was something she never had from me before.(she was still doing coke, she thought meth was dirty). First month goes by so fast. I start buying 10 grams every week to begin selling it (because a lot of people in my hood became coke heads during the pandemic but with no more stimmy checks alot of heads couldn't afford coke anymore) so I would put 2-3 grams out of 10 aside for me and the rest sell it at my local bars and dives. Best part was no else in my area had the shit or even knew the market value of meth so I could make up prices as I went along. Normally tho i'd flip the half grams for $50 and $75 if you copped a whole G. Still cheaper than coke and would last the blue collar stiffs around my way for at least a week. 9/11 rolls around, big day in my city, the hotel is sold out. I was never a fan of doing drugs other than weed at work or coke at the end of my shift when leaving but we was swamped. 20 rooms overbooked. Everyone looking to yell at the MOD (me) so I had some on me did a line in my office. That shift was the most amazing I ever had, I was enjoying getting fucking yelled at by guest and enjoyed solving every problem thrown at me. I stayed till 1:30 that morning working even though my shift ended at 11pm. This went on for a few weeks and with that my usage increased. So did my work performance my boses were amazed cause normally I was considered one of the more miserable supervisors on property and I hated when there would be mad work and now I would be volunteering to help the GM on her tasks and shit. Well all good things must come to an end right?
So now I'm using almost everyday. September ends. October rolls around me and gf are growing apart (because it was already toxic but me being able to ignore her toxic shit and hell I didn't even give a fuck she was cheating I was having so much fun on meth) and I got to the point I was perfectly fine not speaking all night, just being high on meth and doom scrolling Reddit. Well the bitch up and just took all her shit and left me for some scammer who drove a Benz (I drove a Honda and USED TO feel insecure about the fact I couldn't be a big baller with a Benz and designer clothes and she always told me she wasn't into guys like that. Than left for a guy like that). Now that's not what lead to my mental breakdown, or maybe it was who knows, but what did was the fact we had an expensive one bedroom with a balcony apartment that cost 2100 a fucking month. She paid 30 percent I paid 70 percent plus my car note, insurance. Even with selling meth and the 900-1000 a week I bought home I couldn't afford everything on my own and I knew I was gonna lose my home and have to either sleep in my car or go back to Mom and Dad. That's what pissed me off. After a meltdown at work because I couldn't afford to get anymore crystal and started feeling the comedown. I was asked to leave early snd I went and overdrafted my checking account to get just 5 more grams because at least on meth it was okay. Well it wasn't because I got that 5 grams went home and didn't eat, no water, just meth because NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THE SHADOW PEOPLE
I'm not going to go into details about how that week went (to save yall time I missed a week of work and than my excuse was hackers trying to kill me and yeah thats how I lost my job) because if you do meth for long enough your gonna end up meeting them anyway. So after being sent to psych twice in a week and losing my job and getting evicted NOT because i didn't pay rent but because I hadn't showered or slept for 7 days and they seen me chasing these shadow people through the hallway with a knife (turns out those were cops not shadow people whoops). Building management got me booted immediately and by the time my HR department called me in to appeal my termination I was hiding under my bed from the hackers back at Mom and Dads. I stopped my shit for a while. I was terrified of meth because of psychosis. Luckily I landed a job pretty quickly (at a supermarket) and about a week later I was in my car flying back uptown to see them Venezuelans as soon as they gave me my first check. I copped 10 grams one week, the next a whole ounce but not using more than a .25g a day myself. I started staying on my A game taking care of myself to avoid the negative effets of meth. I was making so much money just flipping meth I was forgetting to show up for my shift at ShopRite some days. I lost sight of it all, see at first I wanted to get right back into hotels and my dream career but by the time Christmas rolled by I was making 2 grand a week moving Tina.
That's when New Years came.
January 1st I started using Tina in the morning rather than at the midde of end of the day. I actually went to work and realized Tina gave me another god awful ability. The ability to pull women like nothing. Meth made me realize how handsome I was and made me confident or in my case cocky. This began a slippery slope of daily use. By Valentine's Day I hadn't gone one day without.... I also had 12 girlfriends. My friends started calling me the semen demon (seriously lmao). I had learned to master my psychosis even though I slept there were still a lot of weeks I'd miss 2-3 nights and at one point I was fucking shadow bitches (let me know, I'll give y'all that story next) I thought I had it all under control and I did. I was bouncing around from job to job but I didn't care because I knew T made mad bread. The Venezulans even ended up trying to rip me off. Now while I wasn't a good citizen in high school (selling weed, pills, stealing cars etc.) I certainly never was the carry a gun, stick someone up type. They ripped me off one time and me and my boy went in shiesty on our face and guns in hand and took all their meth. Flipped it and by the time we did we found a girl who was Russian from our borough too. IT WAS ALL GOING SO WELL. Until it wasn't.
See before this year I hadn't been arrested in two years but I got arrested several times this years and one of them, the most recent (last week) made me realize how bad and how much this drug has taken from me. So a little bullshit reckless driving is nothing a couple hours in the precinct then you get a DAT. Well last week I live up to the name CrashOut King. Got into a argument with someone apparently they called 911 said I had a gun. Cops try to stop me, me thinking it was like a cell phone I took off because we got a no pursuit policy where I live. I also had two balls in the car of T which I ate during the chase. Now my car dosen't have a scratch on it but 5 cruisers were wrecked , a group of people almost got taken out when the cops lost control. I'm talking high speed pursuit I mean 70 on residential streets trying to get to the highway. I only stopped and surrendered because it was 2:30pm and kids were getting out of school. What little bit is left of my moral compass reminded me I have a 7 year old son and what if he ran into the street.
Now you probably think I am an asshole, well you're right I am and sitting in Central Booking for three days I had time to reflect. No this was not my first high speed chase , used to play chicken with cops in hot cars on purpose in HS. But realizing 1. I cant move speed because the cops are all on me now because they don't know and they don't want this meth shit in the city and normally I didn't give a fuck about not having a job but now that I cant move work you best believe I give a fuck now. 2. Reflecting on a lot of my actions the past year has made me realize. I went from being a good heated compassionate person to just an all out piece of shit. I mean no like half my old friends from CHILDHOOD have cut me off over some of the things I've done. Lastly, now i'm noticing how much I've aged in the last year. I went from stuck on looking 21 to now I look 30 IN A YEAR. Oh I almost forgot saw a cardiologist and now I have an enlarged heart. Doctor says if I keep doing meth I will not make it to 30. I will die and my son will be fatherless at just 12 years old or younger. I want to stop sooo badly because it's ruined my life and has taken everything from me. 26 with an enlarged heart. But how cam I stop when I literally need it to JUST GET OUT OF BED. So I got no money, no car (the police seized it. Which mind you. I ran because I was high and if I had just pulled over they wouldn't have found a gun and they would've sent me on my way). BUT NOPE I CRASHED OUT FOR METH. Not to mention I could face up to a year or more on a slew of charges . I hope this long 40 minute read can deter at least one person from trying meth for the first time because You change who you really are and it will take everything everything from you.
TLDR: Don't do meth, you'll lose everything and become a degenerate no one like
Attached are some images if you wanna see how meth got me. The first few years of flicks are fine but it gets dark fast
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