Used to smoke quite a bit of weed as a mid to late teenager and into my 20s. Enjoyed the social aspect but also the way it made music sound better and was generally trippy and funny. Eventually I stopped because of moving on with life - different friend group, more responsibilities but also I didn’t enjoy it as much in that setting. A few times it made me a bit paranoid so that was another reason I stopped at the time.

I also did LSD once (think it was a kinda low dose) and did magic mushies (picked locally) a bunch of times. Again always with at least 1 other person, usually more. Always fun, again probably light to mid doses so no heroic trips.

Into my 30s I moved away from psychedelics a bit, partly because of a healthy respect for their power and again I wasn’t in with a crowd that used them. Have always remained curious about DMT though.

I’m now early 40s and still enjoy dabbling with drugs from time to time, but I don’t really know if it’s worth it. I’ve been curious about other highs, less psychedelic and more “hard” drugs. Tried cocaine a few times, but I get an annoying blocked nose, stimulated in a way but mainly a bit uptight and slightly anxious about the effects. No real euphoria. Tried smoking heroin - just tend to feel a bit zoned out, mild nausea sometimes - again no great high. Don’t want to slam anything. Tried Shortec (oral oxycodone) - this was a bit better to the heroin - slightly zoned out but a lift in mood and some giddiness.

Trying meth for the first time, I thought I’d found the high I was looking for. This is the only drug where smoking it more would reliably lead to an increased high without any problematic side effects (at the time). The high after smoking enough was good - a kind of euphoria, a “yesss this is it”, feeling of pleasure as well as a kind of body high, a jubilant exhilaration. Hijacking the reward system for sure. I suppose a bit like an orgasm but not as intense and more drawn out. As seems to be the case I was drawn to watch porn - but from there on, the experience was of questionable value, in the balance of things. It was enjoyable to watch, though the pleasure seemed to come mainly from the drug and the porn, as I was unable to get hard or reach climax. This led to me topping up throughout the night to try and get there. Before I knew it, it was 4:30am and my other half might be waking in an hour or so. So it was time to stop. I’m fairly sure i bought a gram and used over half (I could be wrong). I didn’t sleep, unsurprisingly, and didn’t feel great the next day. The day after that I felt crappy - mainly anxiety which would worsen intermittently to the stage I felt quite agitated and worried but not a full-blown panic attack. I felt a bit cramped and sore, presumably from having been hunched over the screen for so long, and 2 weeks later still have a bit of a sore lower neck/upper back with slight reduced sensation in my left index finger; I wonder if I irritated a nerve somehow. The day after was similar but started to improve a lot as the day went on. Almost back to normal the next day, and back to normal the day after that.

So although I found a drug I like, I’m not sure if it’s worth it overall. Certainly not the way I did it. It might be different if there are no responsibilities but I had work the next day and had to deal with family too. I’ve a professional career so coming into work with any drug effects is a no-no. I’ve used it once since then, but stopped much earlier, used a lot less overall and dropped some Xanax after which allowed me to sleep. Incidentally, benzodiazepines are the only drug I’ve found useful due to the reliable hypnotic effect. Some nice anxiolytic effect but no high though. The high that second time from meth was only mediocre and arguably not worth the trade-off in sleep disturbance. I’m certainly not one that gets hooked after one go. I’m fairly confident I could use it again and not get hooked. It’s just not worth the trade off overall IMHO.

Just some random thoughts about searching for a high. Maybe I’ll try crack next lol but again, I’ll probably find it’s not worth it overall. Keen to hear others’ thoughts.