Warning: This post is extremely positive. I am the living proof that you can hit rock bottom, get up, and achieve your dreams while still use. Fuck that AA-NA complete sobriety crap.

One year ago at the exact same time, I was in jail for 1 1/2 month for my 3rd DUI. It was the ultimate nail on the coffin at the end of 4 years at rock botom. 4 years on welfare, dating dudes I hated to get drugs and alcohol, living at a homeless shelter, selling my body a few times for a couple of beers and a hit of meth, but the worst of all: SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED AS MY MOM FOR A FULL YEAR.

Fast forward 1 year later, today:

This morning, it hit me: I woke up for the first time in my new apartment. My cat woke me up with a cute little head bump, the sun smoothly hitting my face. I made myself a coffee and sat on my balcony, watching the sun illuminating the beautiful buildings around me. I was feeling what I've been seeking my whole life: Peace. For the first time ever, I have MY OWN ROOM (I always lived in a studio apartment, a shelter, or with my mom, IN HER BED), I have a washer and dryer in their own room, I have air conditioning, I have a garbage chute next to my door, I have a gym in the building and an eucalyptus spa. I even have a DOORMAN! Just like in the movies.

What is happening to me right now is beyong my wildest dreams. How did I do it? A great mix of efforts and pure luck. And maybe a little bit of manifestation.

A year ago freshly out of jail, I was applying for copywriter jobs because this is the only skill I have. I suck at mostly everything, but I write well. I always hated work because i have massive social anxiety, and sitting at a desk for 8 hours surrounded by people is my ultimate nightmare. Then, straight out of heaven, I lucked out: I got hired as a copywriter for a tiles company, good salary, and only 2 days a week at the office. I'm a very girly girl, and the tiles industry is directly related to interior design, which is right up my alley. The job is SO EASY. So interesting. And there's not a lot of tasks. The only bump in the road was my new boss 4 months ago, but I managed by shutting my fucking mouth and doing what I was told. I almost quit a couple times, but somehow I managed to pull myself together and keep calm.

Regarding alcoholism and addiction, I went from being a crippled alcoholic who was shooting meth multimple times a day, to drinking a daily 6 pack of white claw and microdosing meth when I go to the office 2 days a week. I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR A FULL YEAR! I haven't increased my alcohol and meth intake for a full year, which makes me think I might have found, guess what, BALANCE.

I went to NA for almost a year (but was lying) and I spent 3 months fully sober. I've never been that much miserable, constantly fighting against myself to not use or drink. Now, I'm allowing myself a 'moderate' amount of alcohol and I do meth responsibly, and I didn't hit a wall and lost everything like they say in AA if you have one fucking drink.

I don't know how I will turn out in the future, but I feel like I'm pretty sure that going to the extremes turned me into a responsible dinker/user. I am probably on 'thin ice', but I'm telling myself that if I've been keeping my dream job for a full year while drinking a 6 pack a day and microdosing meth 2x a week, I must be doing something right.

If you read this post to the end and are at rock bottom, believe me I've been there, but I'm the living proof that IT IS POSSIBLE TO GET OUT OF THE HOLE, ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS WHILE STILL ALLOWING YOURSELF THE PLEASURE OF DRINKING (and doing drugs if it's your thing).

***Also, I don't know if it's relevant, but for the past year I discovered the world of spirituality. I've been listening to guided meditation for manifestation often, and I actually did imagine myself living in my dream apartment with my dream job. And it happened.

I think I would dare even say that...I AM HAPPY AND SAFE.