but can’t live a life of regret, eh? the last time i got clean it was because i was done with using. i simply am not done, and that’s okay.

still.. that feeling of quiet desperation, having a bag and knowing you have work at 12 tomorrow, knowing you’ll do (now have done) a speedball despite rationally knowing to just wait, knowing it’s leading nowhere good but being blinded how it’s so good right now.

i could do without these things. the dissonance i could do without. the isolation of no one knowing you’re using, and having to pretend you’re fine. the fear of having to live without it again. i could do without all these things.

can’t change that now though! hope you’re all having a great night.