hi guys! fresh into a lapse, i just wanted to share where i’m at and how things have been going. i’ll try not to go on too long and thank those who may read; i encourage others to share where they are too!

lately, i find myself binging for two or three days on ice until i’ve had my fill and put it back down. i’ll then get paid and set aside some money for when the time feels right to do it again. it has been working, but i can’t imagine its a pattern that can go on ad infinitum. i fear i’ll lack the conviction to stop myself one of these times, or get caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. i have a job and hobbies i enjoy, and somehow i have been finding a way to balance in a gram here and there without it detracting from anything else.

i don’t share with my friends when i do this. i used to, but given my history with addiction and mental illness, i feel it just makes them worry and creates a wedge in any conversation moving forward. i won’t lie, that secrecy does put a damper on it.

i just went for the first swim of the season with my best friend, and while weightless and blissed out in the water, i felt urged to tell them that the meth really accentuated the horizon and the serenity i felt. however i know they’d just worry - they wouldn’t see the bohemian silliness of a man who just worked out and then hit the beach while casually doing amphetamines.

i have about .7 left and intend to finish it off by monday night. after that, i’ll give myself some time to eat and sleep and regroup before my new job on friday.

i have a bad habit of romanticizing drugs and the bohemian lifestyle, and don’t want to be naive or foolish about the potential consequences this routine may bring. however, in this moment i am sunkissed, blissed out, and working on a new song. all is well, but alas i have no one in my life i can talk to about it. so it goes.

thanks for reading. 🖤