But it’s getting bad again, I have to have it everyday I’m doing more and more I hardly sleep, hardly eat lost 25lbs since April 4th (the day I relapsed) not to mention I’m in a new province where I have no trustable sources I GOto shelters and get from the homeless , sometimes good sometimes shit , my looks are disappearing and took a major dive , I’m broke constantly , haven’t paid any bills since , rents the 1st I get 1042 , it’s 1100 not counting I pay all utilities. But with or without Tina I feel dissociated I don’t do nothing I don’t go anywhere I have no will , no ambition, no drive to do anything but poke another drug into my arm and see if it’ll finally be my last. Tried fent a week or so ago and bought it twice since both times I nodded so hard off so little it was pure bliss I don’t know what I’m running from or afraid of but the thoughts and feelings sobriety gives just makes me beyond depressed I have no interest in anything but drugs