I still can’t shake the feeling of meth. I miss the rush. But this time I want to give myself an honest chance and do my 12 steps and make it thru the whole rehab program without AMA and stay sober for a good while one day at a time. I’m sick and tired of being sick and fucking tired dude. It makes me MISERABLE I hate everything about being an addict nothing about it is enjoyable. It’s hell and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But I still crave meth so so bad and I wanna do it again but I can’t. When I use I end up a homeless prostitute fucking hating myself every time. I don’t even have the luxury to drink alcohol or smoke weed it always leads me back to the needle. I NEED to remember the feeling of being on the streets cold, while it’s raining, hiding under a bus stop sobbing, so desperate and afraid just waiting until I can get my next bag from my weird plug who sexually harasses me and just being absolutely fucking joyless and despairing. I never want to go back to that, sobriety is awesome if I could only get over the cravings.