It’s been a long few years of spiritual warfare. I’ve done every drug under the sun to break through or somehow resolve this dissonance between myself and myself.

Just the past few months I’ve dabbled with meth couple times a week. This all started with abusing adderall years back, should have known it’d take me right back to square one fucking with this shit.

I enjoy it my own way but I feel my spirit is screaming bloody murder to everyone else. I’ve always been outside myself and the “observer”. I have my own experience and feelings but idk wtf is happening anymore. Just gotta double down on sobriety I guess. Idk what else to do at this point. Or I’m just experience psychosis and it’s all in my head.

I feel therapist and doctors are even done with me. Lost cause I guess.

Can still write music, play guitar and sing.. but it ain’t enough.