I (F22) am not very upset with him for getting more; in fact I’m sure I inadvertently encouraged the behavior, and though I had a feeling we were getting some clear, I chose to go out the door with him, smoked with him and our mutual friend, and since then continued to smoke until even now (about 8 hours since the first hit last night). We managed to stay off the pipe this whole past weekend due to some company we had over, and immediately as I went into detox I got a horrible respiratory infection. I just saw the doctor yesterday and after a lengthy conversation and review of my blood work, doc says my organs are still functioning nearly perfectly. The optometrist said just a few weeks ago that my eyes were structurally perfect and eyes sight was literally 20/20, so I didn’t even need the glasses I had been given when I was a teenager???

Anyway, the doctor’s words really got through to me, and now I can’t stop thinking about how I want to preserve my health while it’s still actually GOOD. I felt like a total bitch telling him not to get any shit last night when he was all like “I want to get highhhh”, and I even told him that I get it, being that I’m also in recovery. I went so far as to outright tell him that I wouldn’t be disappointed or upset with whatever decision he makes in response to his affliction, and yet I feel like now I’m kind of getting a little disappointed and upset. I’m at a point in which I feel like I need to either tell him to drop me off at rehab ASAP, or I need to lay down the law or something by pointing it out to him that I’m starting to seriously fall off with the shit and every fucking time I feel a semblance of stability and clarity, it feels like that is the time one or both of us decides we need insanity back 😭

Idk what to do but someone please say something about this situation.. I don’t even care if it’s outright criticism anymore.