Has anyone ever got this "diagnosis " before. Basically after my ex friend Denisse ghosted me and stopped being my friend. Also she would talk shit behind my back to my ex boyfriend about my Trichophagia ( compulsive hair eating) and Trichotillomania ( compulsive hair pulling) and make jokes about it . This eventually somehow accumulated into me getting kicked out after yelling at my single mom i wish she would have aborted me and leaving the house after making her cry. I was living in my car for about a week. But after a few days in I lost my shit and ended up cutting my arm about almost 2in deep at Denisse house and bleeding all over her sidewalk . I asked her for help but she looked at me disgusted and called my boyfriend at the time to take me to the hospital or she would call the cops on me for trespassing on her property . After I was brought in the ER for stitches I lied my way out of being sent to the mental hospital, but was taken involuntarily inpatient after posting I was suicidal on reddit and someone called the cops on me. I post my body sexually a lot online to cope with wanting to die and needing affection cuz I hate everything about myself, and I'm assuming one of the guys I have hooked up with called the cops on me . When i went involuntarily inpatient after being handcuffed in the back of a police car. I was diagnosed with Bipolar like symptoms without psychotic features. But the doctor gave me a bunch of different mood stabilizers and antipsychotics after I told him what happened and I felt like I was having mood swings. The medication made me not feel anything I felt numb and wanted to kill myself even more since I would hear whispering of random words or tapping even though nothing was there. I told the doctor but he just kept on giving me more and more medication and I just stopped it all when I got home and went back on my usually SNRI and SSRI. Also I vowed to not be open online about wanting to kill myself. If I did want to die I would definitely never tell anyone even my own family ever again. It's not worth them " protecting" by keeping me locked up and giving me a 3k hospitalization bill. But I doubt I actually have Bipolar since I've never had a manic episode but Denisse has Bipolar so do family members and I've definitely seen what a manic eposide is like. But I wasn't feeling hyperactive when I wanted to kill myself at her doorstep lol I just wanted to die and make her watch hoping she would change her ways about me . I dont understand why killing myself in general is a bad thing in society. Like this world is hard enough as it is with mental issues it just sucks. I have to pretend that I'm ok all the time because my entire family is too poor and my mom would probably kill herself as soon as I did . I just wish my mom aborted me as soon as my father started emotional neglecting and being emotionally abusive then none of this crap would have happened. I'm going to smoke Delta 8 weed cuz it the only thing that legit keeps me from not ending my life. I would love to have regular weed but it can make me have paranoid delusions and I live in a illegal state and cant risk my mentally I'll ass going to prison for weed like my ex boyfriend . It just sucks having to deal with this I know I'm not alone it just feels that way. I'm going to relax and smoke. Mute my notifications and try not to think to much . I just feel overwhelmed by everything rn which is only making my stomach cramps worse.