I guess everyone feels lonely. I'm just having bad day after day . I don't have many friends because I feel like I can't control myself. I really don't know what's wrong with me. I'm struggling to afford therapy and can't work right now. I might apply for disability. I live in the U.S , I am 23, with a single parent. I just have no friends and I just want to die so badly. I mean the only reason I am alive is to hopefully have an art business and hopefully work in animation as a storyboarder or animator. But, so much is happening in my life I feel like it's impossible and I feel like ending my life is the only option. But. Sadly I can't afford another hospital vist. I rather die than go to any hospital/inpatient/outpatient care again. I just don't know how to find the motivation to stay alive. I just finished watching the movie "Everything, Everywhere, All at Once", which was a very trippy and philosophical movie I enjoyed it and it reminded me of the lesson that everything is just a dance all working to keep everything in order. That good and bad things are just apart of life . Which I know, but when any amount of stress or tension happens. I just lose it. It's just hard for me too handle any situation without overreacting. Which has made me loose my job and friends . Now I just feel so irritable being alone with myself . Its just so hard to cope. I'm probably not explaining this well lol