I should be taking a nap right now. I just feel guilty I woke up with dark stool . I have been having on and off constipation and diarrhea. I could have IBS , stress, or Trichophagia *compulsive hair eating *, or all of the above. I lost my job but my mom can't find out because this is my 6th job and even though she tells me I can always open up to her she will just be more disappointed. I am just not feeling good and took my meds on a empty stomach after being scammed called that my mom needed me to wash dishes because it was making her anxious having the dishes in a pile. So , I did the dishes, took out the trash and did the cat litter. My mom was complaining about how she's a single mom and it's hard for her to do all these errands. I finished up went to my room so I can nap a little before cleaning my room , bathroom, feeding the cats , yoga and eventually starting on my homework and looking for jobs. But I went to take a nap . My mom got super mad because she needed tomato paste and pissed that I didn't want to get it. I explained my dark stool and that I was mentally exhausted and not feeling well but since I say that often it's an excuse. I even told her I can pay her for the tomato paste or she can use tomato soup a and cook it down to thicken up the soup she said " As usual dont worry abt it. It is painful for me to even ask u to do anything for me. I know how u will respond." So I feel guilty for napping I'm 22. I shouldn't feel guilty and should force myself to do more . I just wish I could also just shoot myself in the head or wasn't so mentally ill and a shitty person that I can be normal and hold down a job and function in society. But I can't pay 100-150 for therapy, 20 for my medication, 2,750 for a suicide attempt and 150 for other expenses. And my mom wants to use my disability , even then all that shit is just mentally exhausting I just want to sleep I barricade my door with two shelves. So , I should be ok if my grandpa or mom try to knock, open the door or my mom does something crazy like push it down. Anyways I'll be an hr . Hopefully I don't overslept again I set 3 alarms.