Hello, I'm sorry if this post is long-winded and unorganized, but I don't want to spend all day making it perfect.

I'm 16, FTM, just starting junior year, I have depression and anxiety, working diagnosis of bipolar (I'm on lithium and stuff) and am diagnosed on the autism spectrum.

I have been in and out of the hospital since I was 12, ten times in total, but only 2 since I've turned 16. I guess talking to people with similar experiences in there was pretty helpful in the past. In one of my most recent visits though they put me on the girls side because I wasn't taking hormone replacement therapy yet, really they should have called it the faker ward, there was like 1/20 girls who still used she her pronouns even though all of them walked around with their cleavage out claiming to have DID.

Anyways, I used to feel like my autism diagnosis wasn't a big deal, and might even be incorrect. For personal reasons, this is my first year going to a public highschool, it's really difficult and I would really like to talk to people going through the same things. I wear noise cancellers in the hallways, and even then I still feel like I want to cry or have some sort of meltdown by the amour of people walking so close to me. I'm a perfectionist, I get very upset when I can't understand things. In my tech class there's a girl who giggles at me because I look at pet rat photos when I'm done with my work to relax (like wth it's not illegal) my gym class is so stressful that they are transferring me from soccer to a different course, I'm still not sure if I will be able to handle it .I also have the added stress of being transex, I am one of the ones who is trying my best to pass as male, I have had top surgery but I'm stuff working on hormones, it feels really hard to present myself as a normal male, I use the boys locker room, but because of my locker placement and the amount of boys, I basically get pushed out into the hall way so that rude people push me into the lockers Everytime they walk past while I'm changing.

I don't really want to make friends or do anything special I just want to be able to survive, I've already had one meltdown and I'm only a week in, my mommy had to come get me and it was embarrassing...