I basically can't hold down a job for shit. I have my dream job rn which pays me 200-300 after taxes . I have 0 in my bank accounts . I want to just commit suicide tomorrow but I can't and the fact I can't kill myself is driving me crazy. I live with a single mom and I love her to death but I am getting to the point I just want to not be here. The symptoms I'm having are : ° Constant Suicidal Thoughts ° Intrusive Homicidal Thoughts °Urges to SH: I have scars all over my arms ° Overspending: I spend my money on useless shit I never need or overdraft or find other ways to get what I need when I need it. ° Anger issues ( Tantrums ) Throwing objects , Screaming, Threats of SH ° After my ex boyfriend friend ghosted me I started stalking her Tiktok and attempted suicide at her front door ° Obsession with Ex friend still after 6 years still affecting me today if I hear or see stuff that reminds me of her which is constant and the main reason for wanting to die so I can be free of my obsessions over people like her. ° Oversleeping or Not sleeping at all ( I've been in bed all day depressed and sleeping its been like this for weeks) ° Drug Abuse ° Sex Addiction ( Whenever I think of how pretty my ex friend is or her popularity because her beauty I just feel like that's the only way people will like me is if I sleep with them or try to be the most desirable person in the room. ) °Dissociation : I've been suffering from this for a long time just never knew the words to describe it , just would say " zoning out".

I'm 24 years old . I really just want to give up on this life I really do this anymore. I just want to do a no show at work and just flunk out of college. College was the worse mistake I ever made . I wanted to go Art College to become a storyboard artist or charcter designing , but after I meet my ex boyfriend he convinced me I was stupid for getting an art degree and lead me towards business management. I'm so behind after I cut myself infront of my ex friends house and was taken to the ER for stitches . I hate my degree so much which is causing me more mental health issues. If I did drop out I would owe 3,500 which isn't a lot but I would have to try to get hired at another job or go on disability. I feel like disability is impossible since my mom can't help me with therapy and Idk how I'm going to pay or last here. I just don't know how I will commit suicide. I just know I want to die soon if anything I'll probably just cut my arms. I've been clean for awhile but I give up tbh.