Hello guys I’m 18 (about to be 19 this month). (SH TW) I’ve dealt with mental health issues all my life but have been bounced around. My mom doesn’t really believe in it. Doctors say anxiety and depression which I agree but I have these mood swings and they come on rapid and intense. If someone brings up a topic I lash out and then I end up apologizing later. I’ve never really self harmed but I’ve had thoughts and was even put into a hospital for those thoughts. And it makes me feel empty and just lazy and sad. I also have delusions and deal with dissociation. Sometimes nothing feels real or I myself don’t feel real. It’s not as bad as it used to be though. My mom says I am very narcissistic. But when I look at myself I don’t like it. I feel awful that I rage and lash out I don’t like the way I look I don’t like how I feel etc. I lost my dad and a few other family members when I was 11 right before Christmas and my bday and I didn’t really react at first but I feel like it’s the cause of my anxiety and depression or whatever it is. That I never really coped with until it just built up inside me. And my mom isn’t the nicest person to me either all we’ve ever done is argue and she’s rude to me and says stuff. She doesnt believe that I need a diagnosis and that I just need to deal with it and agree that it’s anxiety. But I want to see someone to get somewhat of an idea or diagnosis just to get the weight off my shoulders. Or relate to others who are going through the same thing. Or ways to cope and deal and learn with it. I don’t know what I have but I don’t feel like it’s just anxiety. I feel like I’m filled with anger and sadness inside.