I honestly don't have any clue what to do anymore, I feel so lost, confused at what my life has become.

I just feel like no one understands me anymore, I went through a breakup about a year and a half ago and to be honest it's ruined me, I always used to be a very positive happy person, and I just want to be that person again and I don't know how, I thought after this amount of time I would be better and possibly moved on but not quite, I was doing better and then the other day I see her on a dating app and I honestly have never felt so sick in my life, and something I've not stopped thinking about since that. But I was doing alright before that now I feel I'm back to square one. I don't have many people that close to me in my life to be fair so maybe that's why It hurt so badly.

But this is gone on far too long now, I've done all the right things I stopped speaking to her, I tried to focusing on myself, I got a job which was probably perfect for my situation but I just don't care about anything really, I used to have so many goals in life and now I have one, thats to be happy like I used to be.

No one understands me and nothing makes sense anymore, only really close family have actually seen me when I've gotten bad, but they see me down one day and then the next day I appear to be fine and they think that's it I'm back to normal when it's very far from the truth I'm just good at hiding it even though I've tried speaking to them before they just don't get it at all. Most of the day I feel like shit, I genuinely don't know how I appear to be normal to everyone else. I'm not a suicidal person at all and I would never do something like that but I genuinely feel what's the fucking point anymore. Probably in the last year and a half I've had 3 or 4 days max where I've felt happy with myself.