TW REASSURANCE SEEKING OCD

Hello. This is just a rant I wanted to do... today had been awful. My OCD has become unbearable to the point I want to end my life. It's literally unbearable, and the worst part is I have to work every day. Every day something happens that I obsessbover. First was, I sprayed disinfectant on myself and apparently skin contact with disinfectant is dangerous. I was at work and I thought someone was going to die because of me and if I didn't take my pants off and wash it was a I horrible murderer. Second my dad redid my bathroom floor and put some sticky stuff on the hardwood floor, I think people use that to make it look like... shiny? Anyways I'm scared he didn't wash his hands after and I'm gonna eventually touch something he touched and someone else will die. I've already got it on my feet and I have socks on. I can't go in the bathroom to wash my feet off. I'm scared I will kill someone by doing this. Third, I'm not sure but I think think my dad cleaned the faucet with bleach. He may not have washed his hands after ( I mean I'm sure he did but he probably wasn't as thorough as I would have been and he's more careless with these types of things) and I'm scared I'm gonna go to work and someone is gonna die. It's always the same. I have heavy derealizqtion and severe paranoia. I always feel like someone is going to punish me for not doing my compulsions. There is like, a character i made up during my deep paranoia, (borderline delusion) and she really wants to punish me. Of course I know this isn't fucking real but at this point all my problems have become unbearable. I can't just clean everything because honestly I'm burnt out and lazy . I just don't want to do anything . Working for 10 hours during paranoia de realization and with my compulsions is absolutely unbearable. I have panic attacks every day. I want it to fucking end. I just want to hang myself and end this shit thats been going on for years