I've been struggling with depression for a long time on and off since high school (I'm 21 now). My grandma died when I was 15. She was the first major experience with death in my life and my experience with losing her resulted in a harsh ontological shock. I contemplated death much more and I questioned my previous religious beliefs to the point I was becoming atheistic. This lead to me struggling lots in school because now I lost my direction. I felt like there wasn't much reason beyond person moral obligations to do anything. With this in mind I ended up becoming much less ambitious in my goals because I felt that once I inevitably die none of it will matter. And now where I am at with all this covid business I am unemployed and I sleep too much. All my thinking stresses me out, but sleeping is an escape for a little while. I just get to rest and luckily I usually have peaceful dreams. Honestly if I had constant nightmares or bad sleep I don't think I could bear it. But I'm struggling to get out of this rut because I sleep a dysfunctional amount. I can't feel rested without at least 10-12 hours of sleep.