Not sure if this is the right subreddit for this. Regardless.

A few years ago I was struggling with some mental health issues. I guess I had a form of anxiety? I was constantly worried that those I considered friends didn't actually like me or want me around. A singular sentence that could be misconstrued would be misconstrued in my mind and it would twirl and twirl around in there, giving voice to an inner voice telling me they didn't like me etc.

I'm glad to say I've overcome this! But, that's not why I'm here :)

During this same time I had a group of friends (in college.) They helped me overcome this issue. Urged me to find psychological help, etc.

They were great friends. I had a great time during college after I overcame these mental health problems.

Now, here's the part why I'm posting this now. Before that time, I didn't enjoy parties, I didn't enjoy drinking, I was a lonely person living day by day, enjoying myself in other ways (gaming, reading, etc.)

During college though, I went to parties, I drank a lot, I smoked some weed, I truly enjoyed myself with these friends.

Now, it's been almost 2 years since I graduated (I had half a year of Corona lockdown during my graduation year) and as almost everyone, we haven't partied much.

Today is/was one of the first parties since college. I went, stayed for an hour, and left.

I simply didn't feel like drinking, or getting drunk (and let's be real, when people are doing tequila shots, drinking lots, etc. it's definitely part of the party to become drunk)

Now... What's on my mind now? I'm certain it's not these issues from before. That voice is certainly gone. It's not there right now...

But what I'm thinking is: "Did I truly enjoy those parties back then? Or was I simply happy to finally fit in? To have finally found people I could consider friends without worry?"

I don't need these parties. I don't really enjoy them anymore, but I wonder if this is me changing, or simply realizing whom I truly am as a person?

Cheers, Sorrol