I don't even know how to properly start this post but suffice it to say the last 30 days has been full on.

January began with my best mate dying. That was traumatic and incredibly upsetting. I helped plan the funeral and carry his casket to the ground. I've known him since I was 7 and this cut me up. He was also, in a sense, my source of 60% of my employment. In one fell swoop, selfishly, I lost income and a best friend. I felt like I managed this okay because I had a new purpose; to live for him and not with him and find new employment.

Then a week later my friends grandfather passed away. As removed from this as I am it was still upsetting. I remember spending time at his house, in his pool room and having a good time. I have also never seen my friend cry until that day.

Then over the last 10 days I got covid and was almost bed ridden. During which time my friends mother, the friend who died at the start of January, was rushed to hospital due to various factors. In order to treat her they had to induce a coma. She is not getting better at all and the outlook is grim.

Tl;dr: best friend died, friends grandfather died, I got covid and my friends mother is in a coma. I was pretty close to extremely close to these people.

I am not sure how to feel or what to feel.

I am not entirely sure that I do or can feel.

Life keeps moving....it's suffocating.