Ok so I have struggled with depression since about 14, I was put on meds and kept inpatient most of the next 4 years. I tried to kill myself multiple times and I was mentally tortured pretty much. The meds took a little bit of depression and made it too much for me to handle. They tried electric shock treatments also with no luck. When I turned 18 I got off all the meds and was perfectly fine no depression at all until a few years ago when some things in my life changed now the depression is back. I feel like I could benefit from meds but I'm too scared if it has adverse effects again I will kill myself. I barely survived last time and have lifelong issues to deal with from ethylene glycol poisoning and I just wanna feel ok again without taking a chance of doing something I'll regret.