Nothing feels like it's worth it anymore. I'm honestly just sick of myself. I'm so disappointed with what I've gotten myself into. I'm 19m, a high school drop out, I work for my father, and live with my parents still. I do not have a proper license nor does my family have a working vehicle. I can't seem to get my head out of my ass and get my priorities straight. I'm thankful that I will always have a backup job but this job sucks the life out of me. I have little to no motivation to perform well at my job because of this, and my father pays me accordingly, so I don't really make a lot of money. Then it just cycles from there. I am so depressed, not to mention very lonely. I'm gay and from a small town. It SUCKS. Not because people are bigoted though, everyone is too fucked up on drugs to care about a gay person. Anyway the dating pool here is very nonexistent. I really don't want to try a dating app because I absolutely hate the insufferable and cringy person I turn into. I am immature for my age and have a couple of mental disorders (autism, ADHD, and Bipolar Disorder) and I'm really insecure about that. I want to date an older guy but I don't think anyone older or the same age as me would want to deal with me and my situation. I have talked to my friends and family about all of this but there's nothing they can do because it's all on me. It's just so overwhelming because not even 6 months ago I pulled myself out of that suicidal hellhole I was in. I am very very overwhelmed and I wish I can just be normal. I really hope noone judges me for saying all of this but I can't control what people think. Sorry