I don't know why I'm here...I've been posting all over and I get some advice but that's as far as it ever tends to go. I'm not sure if it's due to my mental illnesses and their legitimacy or what. I was in the process of healing from a ton of abuse.

I learned that I'm autistic with ADHD, I have borderline personality disorder and learned about control and regression. I learned more about trauma, I just wanted to learn about my brain and why I am the way I am, I thought it would not only heal me but help me figure out why I don't fit in so aggressively.

I figured myself out, and I learned so much. But about a year ago things started going downhill. My roommate lost his job and has been having the worst time trying to find one. I was supposed to be the at home person, but I've been having to look for work too, with also no success. So I have to give up my baby girl, my cat Goblin, my joy, my soul so that's making me very sad, more sad than being homeless.

So needless to say , my mental health has been going back down. I've been trying to be more social online, but it's been hard cause I have nothing positive about my life to talk about. And when I say what I'm interested in I get asked about it and it always ends up being "I'm too poor for that" or "I don't have money/car/tv" for that, because I have nothing I'm a sad, pathetic bore. Or I get used and tossed with less than I had before.

I don't understand what makes me so... unlikeable...? Someone to not be cared about..? And no matter what group I try to talk about this in it feels like no one understands, they say they do, but they don't seem to. I also don't understand why, even people who are like "I accept and would help ANYONE" but then then their back as soon as they see help. I also don't understand why everyone can be all like "something needs to be done about mental health" then throw shade or help mentally ill people get kicked down more and more. If people could just be the respectful, understanding, considerate, compassionate people they claim to be and I stead of turning on someone in need HELP THEM!!

I've needed help for so long. I've been forced into adulthood since I was almost an infant. Since I could walk I was taught to clean, then cook, and I wasn't even allowed to enjoy that! I just want my childhood, I want friends who understands that and who will play with me. I don't want a stupid adult job and collect a stupid thing I don't even want for things I don't care about! If I want something I will make it! The problem is I need to stupid stuff I don't want to have to collect in order to get what I need to make the stuff I want!! ....I hate this world so much! So whenever I mention I'm in a bad place whoever I'm talkimg to just vanishes, and I'm just curious why, maybe the answers are here...?