Heyo, am 20 years old, male. This post may be a bit long and chaotic.

I am currently university student. Pretty decent grades, have seemingly people around me and I even go out sometimes. But it’s like in last month, the fire I had just went down and it affects not only me in my head.

For example, I have a hobby, cooking. I love finding out smth new and try it out. I did at least, till the spark for everything disappeared and I just started to push it for later dates. In addition, I haven’t cleaned my room in almost 3 weeks, and I just never end up doing it p, even if I decide to make just small task (clean up only kitchen for example or wash all dishes). That’s why I don’t invite people to my place anymore. Almost like a closed loop: smth in my head makes me lose interest—> chaos in room —> more isolation and all over again.

Before I was watching many shows and read books when free. Now, my main time spending is with my Xbox and on YouTube, and when I think of watching smth with someone else, I just don’t feel it at all. Most ridiculous thing is I watch 40-50 min videos on YouTube that I saw at least 3 times already. Part of me feels a bit sick of them already lol, but I still watch them as background in my headphones.

And also presents, I still need to buy it for everyone but again no desire to do it (and it’s not even money issue).

My relationship with parents is…. Complicated to say the least, but that’s for another post or another subreddit. I am just happy I study and live in another country than them. Only person am happy to interact with is my lil sister but even that is limited cause if I call to talk to her, I need to interact with parents which am not big fan of.

Then my weight. I was always somewhere between slim and fit build, did not have negative thoughts about working out. But last time I did now was at least 3 months ago. Even though I try to have balanced diet, I do sometimes let it loose too much, consequently 1.5 kg (3.3 pounds) since then. And it’s feel-able to me, plus my ‘lovable’ parents ask me if I rounded up in my face.

Finally romantic life. Oh boy, that one is sad. Cause am kissless virgin, even though I feel less bad about it than before, it still stings. I even thought of making accounts in apps for it and go more out. But then this question inside my mind came ‘how can you take care of someone else when you can’t even do it with yourself’. That was end of my attempt to find gf.

Idk what went wrong. Idk if it even was right to begin with. Just lost feeling mixed with lack of care for anything is all I really have now.