I stopped taking my anti depressants a few months ago because of the side effects.

I can feel myself getting bad again but I just don't want to take anti depressants. I'm waiting for therapy but it's a 10 month waiting list. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm cursed to either feel this awful or take anti depressants and feel awful in a different way.

What do I do?

I spend most of my time asleep because I can't bare to be awake. Then at night I can't sleep and everything hits me all at once. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to burden anyone around me with this and I don't even know what they'd be able to do to help. I just feel trapped and unable to get out. I sit here for hours thinking about relapsing even tho i really dont want to but i just need a way to get out how im feeling. I'm just so depressed and I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless.