I'm not sure how to explain this, so I will just start with a bit of backstory. I'm a 42 male. Chef by profession. I have always suspected I was on the spectrum, but never got a diagnosis. February of '23 I ended up getting really sick. Couldn't hold anything down for almost 3 weeks. I have no insurance, so I toughed it out till I couldn't, then I had to seek help cause I felt like I was wasting away, with a strong sense of foreboding. I ruined my finances trying to get help, and answers. The symptoms went away, but after emptying my accounts with no answers as to why, I had to abandon the search. Physically I'm fine, but I have noticed changes in my behavior, and the way I think all together. I don't know how to describe it. Outwardly I have been able to mask it. At home, I have lost desire to do anything productive. Like right now. I should be in doing laundry, and chores, but I'm here on reddit. It's like I have lost executive function of my personal life. I don't have the funds to seek help, as I now live paycheck to a week before paycheck, and in my search for health answers I have exhausted every avenue of help available. It feels like my inner world is just waiting for the plane to crash, and I don't know how to fly. I have tried to tell people in my life, but the words are never there.