So at this point I'm just on the verge of combustion I think. I can't concentrate on things, I can't sleep because my brain wont turn off, I get hyper fixated on things all the time, I have terrible self-esteem, I have horrid anxiety, constant depression, I hardly eat most of the time only really eating dinner because my family eats together and I can't really get out of it. idk anymore though because sometimes I feel fine and thing ten seconds later I can fall off a cliff in terms of how I feel. Its like my brain wants me to be in this constant cycle and I started therapy a little over a month ago, but I feel like its not helping because I feel like I don't know how to explain things to her and I feel like I forget everything I want to talk about or anything I had concerns about the second I walk in to her office idk anymore I'm just confused lost out of ideas and even though I'd never actually kill myself because I grew up Christian and my moral code would never allow it at this point I'm starting to have small ideations here and there just because I want to feel something and feel like at this point the only way to fix everything is to break myself down and to build it back up I just don't know how to do it. I'm sorry if this is a mess I just had to get this off my chest and I'm sorry if this is against the rules here I can fix it if there's a problem I just didn't know how else to write this out and there is still a ton of other things I could mention but I feel like I've already wrote too much so if anyone has some ideas or advice it will be very appreciated.