My next human contact will be tuesday when I see the therapist. I cannot find another to talk to and I'm tired. Tired of the search for connection. Tired of coming up short. Tired of never being enough for friends or lovers. It seems like once my usefulness has run it's course people bail on me and it's so hard. I stand by people through hard times and then they all inevitably run from me. I'm not sure where to turn or who to talk to any more. I went to in patient again and they didn't want to keep me. I had to beg them. I just wanted help relaxing and a place to be where people might understand me. That understanding seems to be coming less and less rather than more. People are growing increasingly cold and it sucks. I'm so anxious I can't even focus. All I can do is check to see if someone wants to talk to me because I have no one in my corner.