Basically the title. I agonize over analyzing myself. Why I said something, why I did something. Asking myself what the underlying reasons are, and then wondering if those are the right reasons, if I even know the reasons, or if there even needs to be one for every single thing I say and do.

I worry I am lying all the time, that my implicit bias blinds me to the truth about myself. Then I wonder why I am so obsessed with there being some "truth" that I'm missing in the first place. I spiral very easily, looping myself into exhaustion just from laying in bed and thinking. It is absolutely paralyzing.

It's like I have to play out every side of every coin for fear of misunderstanding something. Being ignorant to myself is something that bothers me. I dealt with too many people in my life who were happily ignorant of themselves and I fear being like them, but at the same time, I am most likely doing myself a disservice with this amount of effort. I am very tired.