Sometimes I feel happy and think about how grateful I am for all the things in my life, but then other times I feel awful, not wanting to socialise or make small talk and I for some reason start to think about my past trauma and feel sad, but it’s not even for a good reason. I in theory shouldn’t be sad, because it all happened years ago and I have a relatively peaceful life now. It goes in waves. Also I yell at people sometimes out of no where even thought I am not a confrontational person, unfortunately the people I’ve yelled at are people I’m close to as well.

I can get irritated by people and it feels like a primal rage I can’t control. I also feel like I am better than people at times and feel as if I am more important than them. There have literally been times where I’ve thought I was the Main character like the Truman show and there were people watching my life, so I’d try and act normal or funny in private. But then I’d realise it’s silly but still talk to myself. Sometimes I’d also feel like nothing is real, because if you think about it, let’s say you experience the present moment, then hours later, you still remember that moment. Days later you still remember but as time goes on it gets less vivid and you remember less. Now let’s apply that to 8 billion people. That means the present moment doesn’t matter very much, because eventually after days, weeks, months, years and decades it fades away and becomes distant. So it isn’t real, because it becomes something only apart of your mind. That makes complete sense to me.

Overall I think these are pretty normal things. Let me know if it’s normal or not or if any of you guys can relate