I just feel like I’m the most discounting person I’m constantly letting my friends down but not talking to them on and off never really wanting to go out because I wanna just stay home and get drunk and high no intrest in sex really don’t know if it’s because childhood trauma/ weird shit I’m into/ or asexual.

With not being good at sex I don’t think I’ll really connect with a female here I feel like ima be alone for ever which I do like the peace and quiet but it does get lonely.

I can’t vent motivate myself to get out of bed most days I just wanna lie there sleeping anything rather being active and thinking, I would rather not deal with shit, I’m a lazy piece of shit even tho I’m working 40 hours a week I already feel burnt out idk how people do it each week, even tho work sometimes makes me happy because it feels like I have purpose in life but it’s not even a good job.

I feel like I’m just going to be a statistic in depression or even suicide, I just don’t care most days forcing myself to hang with family and pretend to be happy even tho I love them I just would rather be alone, I’m such a let down

Even through most days I just imagine myself dead, putting myself in fake situations like shotgun in my mouth or being wrapped around a tree in my car, haven’t self harmed over a couple years so I guess that’s good,

I’m glad no one will read this just helps me typing my thinking onto somewhere feels like one curing them or talking to a real person about my problems.

I have really no plan in my life don’t know what I wanna do. Why do I feel like this most days, sure therapy might help a little but it won’t solve my problems and my fucked Brain. I feel like I have some of my dads mental illness or something I don’t know quite what but I def don’t feel normal if there even is a normal, I feel like a freak most days, I’m too scared to own any handguns because of my thaughts just takes one bad day you know .

Welp that’s about it I guess I’ll see this sub in couple of months to rant about my shitty easy life because I know people other then me are haveing a worse day at least I don’t live in a third would country .