I do not have anhedonia, I do get very excited about things, and enjoy food and people and activities. But after a conversation with my bf of 6yrs last night, I don’t think I want things or people as much as other people do.

The conversation stemmed from the fact that he knows I love him very much, but he never felt like I wanted him as much as he wanted me. He’s never talked to me about this in depth before bcs he didn’t want me to feel like I did in fact feel, which is that I’m broken or missing something.

The way he describes it that I don’t entirely understand, is that there’s a difference btwn being excited and wanting. Wanting someone feels like a drug almost, and that’s why people do desperate or stupid shit, like Romeo and Juliet, or even just like inviting someone you barely know on a trip you’re going on, or calling out of work bcs you just want to see them so badly. And you want them when you’re apart like craving a drug.

Don’t get me wrong, I love him, but I never called out of work just to be with him, or anyone, or do anything. I love spending time with him (and being intimate with him), but I don’t think I crave it. It feels pretty similar to how I feel with really close friends, like I want to see them and talk to them and need them in my life. And when we fight, when we broke up a couple times early in our relationship, I was a complete wreck.

The closest I’ve ever felt to what he described is when we were first together, or when I was with my ex who didn’t want a relationship but was happy to come over when my parents weren’t home or when he couldn’t sleep at 4am. But point is, I didn’t really feel like I craved my ex either, even when he wasn’t around for months at a time.

On a possibly related note, I also don’t really want any particular career path or life goal. Sure I want to find something I love doing, and I have hobbies and things I do every chance I get, and spend silly amounts of money and time on, but no big long term things I want badly enough to prioritize over short term things that make me happy.

Anyway, maybe I’m spiraling and this isn’t exactly that. But what it feels like is that he doesn’t think I fell in love with him, more so that I came to love him. At this point, this whole lacking on my part mostly manifested in our sex life. We’re trying an open relationship so that he can explore sex with someone who wants him like that, and I don’t really want anyone like that. Sex is nice, but I’m not really excited about it unless the other person is excited. Idk I sort of go with the flow on a lot of stuff.

But does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone get this or know what this is? Do I have funky unbalanced neurotransmitters?