So about 8-9 years ago. I met a girl through mutual friends in her dorm room, we played smash bros and a few other games and it was pretty cool. Our mutual friends eventually left leaving me and her alone. I was kinda skeptical after they left cause I've always been pretty shy about the opposite sex. I eventually got bored and was actively making the decision to leave when it was just us. As I gathered myself and started to leave she then told me "hey, you think you'd wanna trio shrooms with me?" I looked at her hesitantly and agreed sure why not in my mind. We took them played more games and eventually hooked up. I spent the night gathered my stuff and left that morning. I didn't think anything of one night stand and figured she'd forget about me. But after that night it was strange cause I would see her at all the parties I'd go to and the crowd of ppl I began to call my close friends and social circle. It was fine and then eventually me and her became friends through our social network. Time went on and me and her became closer as time went on. Eventually we tripped shrooms again but this time was different it was a group of us this time and we were all hanging in her room. She kicked everyone out and told me to stay. I looked confused as I lay on a adjacent bed in her room. She then began to utter the worse thing possible to me in private, "I'm IN love with you, and want to make you happy." My eyes widened and my mouth was immediately shut down. I couldn't believe that someone could feel that way about me. I'm just a average guy that's never heard those words before. I was completely stuck in the massive release of oxytocin flooding my brain. I was hesitant abd Mt brain litterally told me its a trap and it's not real. I ignored my brain and agreed to with her to let her have my heart. I was over the moon as if I was on drugs the immediate rush to my brain couldn't believe it was real. We dated for 3 days after that the best 3 days of my life if you will. Until I had to go home for Christmas for 3 days. When I got back I was ecstatic to see my new almost girlfriend. I hurried to go see her as quickly as I could. We met in her apartment and have her a kiss she tugged back from it. Confused I asked her whst was wrong and her response was "yeah so I didn't mean any of the things I said I was just high and didn't know what I was saying so yeah, sorry." I was shocked,stunned, and hurt. I didn't really leave my place for some time off of that experience I tried to just keep to myself abd avoid her knowing I still had those feelings that she awoken inside me. But little did I know leaving her out of my life would be the biggest challenges of my life. I kept my feeling buried. Over time she kept trying to hook up with my friends or even my family. The majority of my good friends rejected her. Other friends just did what guys do. That hurt alot but it was fine I mustered on and just kept ignoring it. Idk why I always felt there was a part of me that could earn her love back or something but it was gone and I kept hurting my mind more from it all. I tried the direct approach of telling her I don't like when you do hookup with people that I care about. She acknowledged and less than a week later she's with another buddy of mine going at it. I had hut a breaking point and told her I can't be her friend anymore. She cried and told me she was sorry. I didn't care and walked away. A month passed since I had seen her and mutatal friends of ours told Mr she was having a hard time accepting I couldn't be her friend anymore. She was super depressed and had been self isolating just like I was. I cried and told then I can't help her. Another month passed and I went to a party to get out of my slump, I went to the back room where I stumbled upon her sitting. I shrugged it off and sat down in the room full of people. We started talking and caught up with each other eventually that led to us talking more and she invited me to hang out with her so we could talk I said sure why not. She told she missed me and didn't want to see a relationship like our fade and I let her back into my life for some years eventually my feelings over time have resurfaced I've tried ignoring them and even resulted in lying to myself to tell myself that those 3 days litterally never happened or existed. Fast forwarding to the present I told her that I didn't acknowledge that, that moment didn't mean anything, she cried and started turning into an argument about how her feelings she had were real and to disenfranchise them was incredibly disrespectful. I bit my tongue and told after everything we've been through that was the disrespectful part? I told her im stuck with where to categorize her in my head I have compartments where people are in my head and she dosnt have a box. I got lost in emotion and told her thst I did love her but I'd never date or take her seriously about anything of that nature to which she expressed " I don't want to love me, hate me, or help me, I don't need a guardian or anything of the sort I have those bases covered." My heart has already been broken, my mind is conflicted. It still kinda feels like the only thing I have left is my soul which feels like is hanging on by a thread. It's been a beneficial relationship for the both of us technically in terms of growth and accountability but in all respects I have hit the wall knowing that I can't start new attachments considering me heart is still lost to her. I try to repress, heal and nurture myself to the best of my ability. Unfortunately i don't have the finances or recourses to afford therapy or anything worthwhile to help me deal with these unused and unwanted emotions. So I'm turning to reddit to help me make this uncomfortable decision. Do I keep her in my life for the sake a decades worth of friendship ups and downs or is it best to just no contact block her and just forget the whole thing to move on with my life. There's alot more details I left out through the years but this post is long so I'm trying to be conservative with how much I share. What is tye healthiest thing to do here?