I have been working on a business for about 6 months and have been making risky decisions with the mindset of paying my dues and showing gratitude to the person who have been teaching me along the way.

I am open to risk so long as I can maintain enough resources to account for my survival. In the beginning, I always had enough cash flow to cover my expenses yet my mindset on scaling up into a better lifestyle was borderline nonexistent.

Now, the mindset to scale is much wiser yet the decisions leading to this moment is why I write this. Here are the differences:

At the start: • I had a job then Kraft that job for rideshare services like Uber & Lyft making double where I was working the job, while also having time to put toward the business. • Had a car costing about $1000 per month from car note, insurance, and warranty which were all meant to make sure I can keep a vehicle to bring in any needed funds • Had an apartment costing about $1000 monthly and ate fast food about every day to keep costs low

Now: • Staying at a decent hostel which costs about $8 per day • Inconsistent income that barely keeps me afloat • Any day I can be asked to pay for another night and I have $4 to my name as I type this • $22,000 has been generated in the business so far, and though I have no regrets, have received $1,500 so far where at least $1100 went back into covering business expenses

I am a prideful and virtuous person who hates creating any pain or stress for anyone who did not put me in the situations I find myself. I put myself here and because of that do not want to tell anyone. I have been acting like I have funds to survive okay when I know inside I have not for over a month. I have created more debt that I was in when I started, and on the edge of disappearing to fix my life and communicate JUST enough for everyone to know I’m alive. I have no plan; I have been giving all of myself into this business. What do you think of this clusterfuck of a position to be in?