Hi, as the title implies I need some help on deciding if it is time for me to end my friendships with people who I have no known for 2 years.

I suffer with my mental health illnesses greatly, no questions asked. I overthink, I isolate myself, in constant need of reassurance that I try to avoid asking for, barely enough mental/social energy to interact with people, constantly presume that my friends hate me or trying to replace me, paranoia, have a hard time opening up & often play the people pleaser in these friendships (idk how to stop it), I have ghosted my friends for almost a month straight because I was overthinking & so anxious of feeling abandoned again and then came back like nothing ever happened. All I find myself doing is people pleasing and not really finding the connection of friendship.

I am such a problem to deal with. I can't communicate my feelings without overexplaining in which overwhelms the other people in which makes me never want to open up. I can't respond to "how are you" with a true response because I am always feeling this deep pit of uncertainty. I feel like a failure as a friend. I want reassurance but only from my brain because when it comes from other people it feels like getting stabbed by a needle then being coddled like a baby just for it to happen again. My flaws are too much and I don't want to be social anymore because I'm tired of possibly being too much for people in anyway shape or form.

I want to end my friendships. I want my friends to be free from me because I don't want them to constantly feel hurt by being left on read/ghosted/ignored for days/weeks because I am simply too afraid to say the wrong thing or I am worried about being abandoned by them. I don't want to ask for their comfort or reassurance because I don't feel like burdening them with that task.

I've tried to leave before but I couldn't do it without feeling guilty for leaving and blocking with no explanation so I came back like an asshole.

Simply put, I don't want them to feel the need to think, worry, miss, love, or even see me anymore (but I know I can never take away the memories or thoughts of another person). I don't want to make it seem like it is their fault. I don't want them to feel abandoned either. I will be there if they need something from me (comfort, love, support, advice, etc) but besides that I don't think I have anything else to offer friendship/companionship wise because I'm so stuck in my head that I can't think of anything else to offer

Is it that time to just say goodbye to them all? I feel like it is because I just know this would be too much to explain to them & I don't want them to feel as if they have to accommodate me or something. I can just say that I am leaving because of my mental state being back for communication.

(Btw; I am self-aware to the point that I know that this is in my head but I need to do something soon because I feel like I am at a breaking point with myself. I want to be alone)