I live with my brother and my mom. My dad passed away on my birthday 7 years ago. I am 19. My mom has always been physically and mentally abusive towards me but not my brother. And then has the nerve to ask what went wrong with me because I am not like him. He’s the one who did great in school went to college and is graduated at the age of 20 because he took college credits in highschool. I’m the one who did awful in school and failed high school and had to go back to get my diploma online. And hasn’t started college yet because I decided to try and work on my mental health first. And for some reason my whole family holds this grudge on me that they wont let go. My grandma paid for all of my brothers schooling but not mine. My brother was gifted 2 cars but i was gifted one that I didn’t get to pick the price etc but I still had to pay them for it so it wasn’t even a gift really. My mom believes mental health is just an excuse for lazy people and she says that “I know what I’m doing” to use it to get out of things. When in reality I WISH I was mentally able to go out and have fun and do stuff with friends and live a “normal” teenage life. I wish it was just an excuse but it’s not and it’s something I struggle with every day of my life. Me and my mom have an awful relationship. She told me to enroll into DBT but now says it’s all bs now that I’m trying to use the skills. She either blames me or my phone for my issues. I tried telling her I was showing signs after my dad passed and all throughout highschool but she said all kids show signs. It haunts me that maybe if I got help at a younger age then maybe just maybe I would of been fine. I believe life is a luck of the draw type of thing. And some people are dealt really bad cards and some people are dealt really good cards. And from there is how your life starts and plays out. Not saying people with bad cards CANT be successful they most certainly are. But it’s just the start in which I mean. Anyway today she filed an eviction notice. I’ve been getting groceries and helping with bills… I have no job rn, no money because she drained my account, no place to go, and no health insurance, no car, nothing. She told me she hopes I rot on the streets. I should feel scared and worried but for some reason I’m at peace. Getting out of here makes me feel so good but not having anything makes me worried. I’ve been applying at jobs… 12 of them and nobody has gotten back to me… I’ve called them yet they don’t follow up. I hope I end up okay but I’m glad I’m at least alive